She never wanted
to fall in love again,
You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world.
This is the last time I say it’s been you all along.
Because I know, even if I tell you how much I miss you, you wouldn’t care. Because we don’t have the same feelings. It kills me inside to stay silent and wait for you to miss me. Even though I know, you wouldn’t miss me, I still have my hopes up. I kept myself busy, I keep on my distance to the things might remind me about you, about us. But in the end of the day, I still find myself thinking of you. How have you been, what are you doing, have you eaten.. I know your not mine anymore to think all of this.. But still I have my feelings for you. I came to the point that sometimes, I wished I never met you. So I never liked you, so I wouldn’t care.. So I can avoid this pain. But I can’t choose who should I love. Yes, I need to move on. But how? How can I let go to the things I still want to hold on? You know baby? it’s hard to try to let this all get over. Like all this feelings and shits act like they aren’t there. It’s hard to unlove You, especially when You had a biggest part in my life.
Maybe I should end this, waiting for something I really don’t know if it’s still worth to be waited or worth to fight for.. Maybe I should accept the fact that, second chances are not meant for us. But I can’t. It’s not easy, it’s not easy to forget all those things we have done. Maybe I should let you go, same with the memories and love I have for you. But how? Yes, it hurts me when I reminiscence all those. But also, I can’t deny that it still brings me butterflies and happiness. Happiness that once in my existence I loved someone and I felt love in return. But it didn’t last, and that is why I have this broken heart, I let my hopes and expectations high, yet in return I got disappointment and a wound.. A Wound that no one can heal but you. Funny isn’t it? That all of this pain I am having now is caused by you. When the truth is, it was all me. The problem here is me.. I still kept waiting for you to come back. Even though I know you are doing just fine without me. If only I can let all this go, maybe I’m living life happy as you live yours without me.
I never gave my thanks a chance to reach you. I realized that the thousand unsent letters were doing only me a favor, and how unfair would that be?
Thank you. Thank you for every broken second we had. We could have been each other’s sunrises, but whatever, I enjoy sunsets anyway. I enjoyed you. Thank you for trying to fix me, and for letting me try to fix you, and making me realize that two broken people do not make a whole —- they just break each other even more. Thank you for allowing me to feel a rollercoaster of feelings from the first time you held my hand to the last time you looked into my eyes.
Thank you for the moments of you and I and the rain and great artists. Now, when John Mayer desperately sings, “friends, lovers or —-“I could only hear,” —- nothing,” because he was right:
"We’ll never be the inbetween."
once again, I was left alone
- a six word story (via escafeism)
Her name is Angelica, but they call her Aica. 15 years of existence. A dreamer who wants to explore the world. She learned that she can't demand love from anyone. She like cartoons, anime, comics and such; call her a geek or a nerd but that’s her. She draw, write and read. She honestly can’t say she have found direction in her life but hey, being a lost soul on a journey to find one’s self is what she is right now. And she's enjoying every moment of it. Since she still don’t have a solid direction, what does it matter which road she take? It’s just like what the Cheshire cat says. I’m just going to enjoy whatever comes my way.
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